Son of a ditch!

Part of spring clean-up on Enviro-Girl’s 60 acres the annual Battle Against Litter.  The property borders a county highway and from what Enviro-Girl and Team Testosterone have seen in their spring cleaning of the ditches and fields, their stretch of road is Tavern Trash Bin.  Seriously.  Beer cans, liquor bottles, cigarette butts, cigarette cartons, fast food wrappers (odd, since the closest fast food restaurant is over 8 miles away) and more beer cans. Enviro Girl would like the sit by the road at 2 a.m. and chuck this garbage back at the jerkwads who thoughtlessly toss it into her ditch .

Every spring when the ground dries out, Team Testosterone and Enviro-Girl gear up for the Battle Against Litter.  Garbage Bags, Wheelbarrow, Rakes and Heavy-Duty-Protective-Gloves are amassed and they trudge march courageously to the Battlefield.  Candy wrappers, milk cartons and homework sheets are captured on the Western Front next to the elementary school.  Shopping bags and newspapers are taken prisoner in the fields–these trash items are usually AWOL from trash barrels, blown by harsh winds and circumstance into the prairie and against tree trunks.
Team Testosterone has been trained since age 2 to become warriors in the Battle Against Litter.  They spot an unusual shade of white or the shine of foil and pounce on it with vigor, seizing the enemy and banishing it to a Garbage Bag.  They are conditioned to endure long stretches of boredom as they follow Enviro-Girl across the fields and trails–a two-hour march to completely liberate the environment from the enemy.

Every year the hardest fought stretch is along the county highway.  It’s dangerous–cars and trucks race past without regard for their safety.  It’s stinky–old beer, cigarette butts and carcasses of roadkill hover in the air.  It’s dirty–mud clings to their feet and filth adheres to their gloves.  They sort and separate the prisoners after capture–plastic bottles, glass and aluminum will head to a recycling center.  Wrappers, cartons, paper and unrecognizable mercenary trash will head to the landfill.

At the end of the afternoon, Enviro-Girl rallies her troops and they stash the bags of garbage safely in the ditch until Wednesday when the sanitation crew will pick them up.  They step back to beg for cookies admire the clean grassy fields and creek banks before heading in for a good scrubbing in the tub.

Throughout the year, Enviro-Girl will grab a small plastic bag and flush out enemy litter on the property. Because of wind and drunken jerkwads thoughtless people, the War Against Litter never ends.

It’s a small thing to throw your garbage away in a trash can and respect the environment.  It’s a bigger thing to go around cleaning up other people’s garbage and rescue wildlife habitats from dangerous metal edges and suffocation from plastic bags.  Enviro-Girl says, “Help Woodsy Owl!  Give a hoot, don’t pollute!  And give a bigger hoot by enlisting in the War Against Litter sometime this spring.  An hour in a local park on along your street can make a big difference.”